Isa pang Boobita

Francine Prieto - here's another twit who has earned my ire merely for appearing in Extra Challenge. Watching the reality show is normally such joy. However, in the two times that the former Anna Marie Falcon appeared in the show, it was quite an extra extra challenge for me to watch this girl while attempting to complete a stunt. Why this twit would try the patience of even Job! Imagine, watching her preparing to perform a stunt with the sun still out, and it was twilight and she was bawling her eyes out because she's afraid of heights. I was like "shut the fuck up already and jump!" If I was anywhere near her that time, I would have pushed her off the building to put her out of her freakin' misery. If the producers of Extra Challenge have a smidgen of respect for their viewers, they should ban Francine Prieto from ever appearing in their show. Unless, of course the stunts involve sans height, but with Francine on her knees preferably, if you get my drift. Wink. Wink.

Boobita!

I change the channel whenever Rufa Mae Quinto is being interviewed. The only thing of interest about her, not surprisingly, is not about her body of work but her lightbulb love affair with a basketball player. News get old too fast. More so if it's recycled news. It goes to show that this twit doesn't have anything to show, but her big boobies. She made a career out of those melons! She doesn't have talent, so what would become of her when gravity eventually wins over? I say talentless because appearing stupid in real and reel life doesn't take so much effort. She's a boobita tthrough and through. Well, let's hope the basketball player marries her - finally. Then she will have no choice but to hie herself off to the country where her boyfriend is originally from. Heard the bf is not too keen on staying in this country where his less than mediocre basketball career brought him big moola. I hope one of them proposes already so we won't hear from either of these talentless celebrities ever again.

Non-Waterproof Mascara is a No-no

Showbiz okrayan would not be complete without my favorite bitch, Kris Aquino. This happened eons of Sundays ago right after Kris was dissed on national TV by the Justice Secretary no less.

Kris Aquino was leaking black ink last, last Sunday on The Buzz! I thought for a minute she just came from shooting a scene where people had to throw creek mud at her face. For a celebrity who fancies herself a fashionista, this is a major faux pax. Noynoy must be thinking: “bye-bye political aspirations…so long presidency.” And her (not so famous) privacy-loving sisters must be raving: “Having a child out of wedlock with a married man is fabulous. Publicly admitting you contracted VD from your lover is cool! Having a fiance who is young enough to be your younger brother is super-duper trend setting. However, what is uncool is not using a waterproof mascara when you are about to go on a scripted crying jag infront of the cameras. How can you ever face our amigas from the alta sosyedad with our heads held high!” Meanwhile, Cory is hiding under her bed in shame because she knows she’s to blame for this catastrophe that became Kris. For those who don’t know, ad whore Kris is endorsing this low-end line of make-up, which is owned by a friend of her mother’s. Pictures of Kris, presumably wearing the make-up in question, litter along the MRT. It shows her in different types of moods, one of them a constipated Kris. We know you can cry at will now. But chrissakes! Cry in the privacy of your home first before leaving the house!

The Pez Dispenser Known as Phoemela Baranda

Has anyone noticed how commercial/ramp model Phoemela Baranda has become a bobblehead lately? You know, big head, small torso? Notice her cover of the November 2004 issue of FHM magazine. Yeah, yeah, she's a hot chick. Men's magazines say so. But strictly speaking she defies the concept of divine proportion - all things in equal measure. So, if we mesure the size of this chick's head in proportion to the size of her torso, we get what else? A bobblehead! Hasn't anybody told her yet that there are other food groups beside Century Tuna? Oh, well who am I kidding? She maybe a bobblehead, but a lot of horn dogs out there will hit this chick. Yeah, even (err, especially) Willie Revillame.

Cookie is Missing a Few Cookies

Cookie Serna, better known as Snooky, is missing a few cookies. First, she separated from her hunkalicious husband, Ricardo Cepeda. That's plain stupid. Second, she now wants to be known as simply "Kate." Dumber. Is she channeling Katie Holmes? Cookie, err, I mean Kate, says the name change is a move to disassociate herself from all the heartbreaks and misfortunes she has suffered from when she was a child star until now that she is a separated mature actress. Can please somebody tell Snooky that the only thing people associate her with is this picture of an otherwise cute child star save for an unfortunate nose. Anyhoo, I don't think people care. Is she still famous? I think she could change her name to "The Nose" and still people wouldn't care. Snooky is crying for help, and a name change would not solve her issues. Tell her to start with Albert Martinez. The day Albert left her for another woman was the day Snooky started losing her cookies.

This Is The Only Time That I Have Called Chocolate Ugly

Chocoleit is one fugly dong licker. I just had to get it out of my chest because he's got that disturbing kind of fugliness. He is so fucking ugly that I get this pain everytime I see him on TV that I just had to look away. I'll jump ahead and guess what many of you are probably thinking. "So, he's ugly. But he's a funny comedian and a good singer." I say, "so what if he's got talent? He is fucking ugly! That's the point I'm trying to make!

I'm all over the Internet trying to find a photo of His Fugliness to put up here. Alas, I'm not so lucky. I finally got to ABS-CBN's site, and guess what? I found a photo of Bentong instead. No sign of His Fugliness anywhere. That my dears I consider the ultimate justification of the point I'm trying to shove down your throats. Chocoleit is fucking ugly!