PacMom: An Homage

Enough of being a jeluz h8r, a lackeye of Deo (whoever he is), according to the fans of the wordlwide phenomena known as Kimerald.

This post is an homage to my personal icon and role model, written with stars blinding my eyes - Mommy Dionisia, the global celebrity known to the world as Da-yo-nee-sha.

Allow me to share the awesomeness that is Mommy Dionisia. This future Ulirang Ina awardee has become famous through her progeny, pound for pound king Manny Pacquiao. But now she is more famous than Manny's wife (I don't think Jinky was ever famous) and is fast attaining the celebrity status of her boxer son.

I think Jinky is the jeluz htr. I read in a tabloid (Bulgar, what else) that Mommy Dionisia sat in economy class while the entire family enjoyed first-class accommodations during a vacation trip abroad. Ever the loving son, Manny told her mom to exchange seats with him. But Mommy Dionisia, ever humble and kind, was okay with the arrangement.

Mommy Dionisia rose to the stratosphere of celebritydom for her marathon prayer sessions, I mean, televised prayer sessions during Manny's fights. Prayer rallies warrant television coverage only if the attendees number to thousands or millions. The exception is our very own prayer warrior. Television stations fight over who will capture that one moment when Mommy Dionisia collapses, which usually occur when Manny's fight end. I think she speaks in tongue, too.

I believe, as do millions, that Mommy Dionisia's prayer sessions are part of the arsenal that makes Manny Pacquiao practically unbeatable. Such is the powers of Mommy Dionesia's prayers that I hope someday it will find the cure for cancer.

Mommy Dionisia is not resting on her laurels as just the mother of a boxing king. She is slowly but surely expanding her brand. Now it's ballroom dancing and commercials. Tomorrow, sitcoms and movies. Who know's there may be dolls, perfumes and line of apparel in Mommy Dionisia's future.

Even Wowowee has capitalized on Mommy Dionisia's fame, hoping to attract more down-on-their luck contestants and more emotionally-manipulated viewers and donors.

Speaking of alalays, I read that Mommy Dionisia has one bodyguard, not to guard her body but her set of diamond jewelries. She has an entourage but they are nearing retirement age? My dream when I grow up is to become a part of Mommy Dionisia's entourage, a personal assistant, if you will.

I have the required skills, if I say so myself. Let's see.

I am fluent in Filipino and English, not Bisaya, I'm afraid, but I am a fast learner. I can teach her how to speak better English and Filipino so that she will no longer be subtitled on every documentary about Manny. See 24/7 HBO documentary.

I can operate a laptop or PC, even a typewriter, if it comes down to it. I'm pretty sure Mommy Dionisia will someday need a person to answer all her fan mails, arrange her hectic schedule and coordinate her activities.

I'm healthy enough when Mommy Dionisia requires a fan girl (tagapaypay) and someone to catch her when she collapses after every marathon prayer sessions. I can hold her rosary and prayer book for her during prayers, and I can also wipe the santos and santos clean during lull in prayer.

I would really like to say I can work for free, but I can't say that with all sincerity. I want to say it's enough to be basked in the glow of Mommy Dionisia and be in her saintly presence daily. But I can't. Not in this economy.

I end this homage with a quote from PacMom herself addressed to all jeluz h8rs out there:

“…naiinggit lang sa akin. Kasi, may ipinakita ako sa lahat ng tao na marunong akong magpakita ng dancing ko...Yung iba, hindi marunong kasi balita lang sa kanila. Iniintriga lang. Gawa-gawa lang ito, kasi sikat na ako! Sana, ipaabot ko lang sa nang-iintriga sa akin, gumawa ka naman ng gawa para sa iyong sarili, para magkasama tayo na mga sikat. Hindi kayo maggawa-gawa ng intriga!"