Mommy Dionesia, Manny Pacquiao vs the RH Bill

It was only a few weeks ago that we saw Mommy Dionesia having interviews left and right because of her extravagant and star-studded 62nd birthday.

From media darling, Mommy Dionesia is now the callboy that wouldn't put out in the eyes of d' gays after she said her piece about the controversial RH bill.

Mommy Dionesia said about contraceptive pills:

"Tingnan mo, mga bakla, kaiinom nila ng pills, hindi bagay na inumin ng mga bakla kasi lalaki sila. Ginawa sila ng Diyos na lalaki. Umiinom talaga sila ng pills para magsilaki ang dede."

Mommy D is my personal icon and role model but, "Ang layo di ba?"

Manny Pacquiao naturally came to the defense, or non-defense, of his mother by saying:

"Sana yung mga media naman na kasamahan natin e huwag nang tanungin si Mommy D about RH bill dahil wala naman siyang alam, e. Dapat automatic na sa atin yun, sa utak natin na tayo naman nakakaintindi, may pinag-aralan tayo.”

"Mama ko yan, ma-mali man o ma-tama, mama ko pa rin yan."

This PR disaster would not have happened if yours truly were on Mommy Dionesia's side. While Manny is being a cheapskate and refusing to hire an all-around, go-to person (who is ME) for his dearly beloved mother, Mommy Dionesia is on the brink of being a pariah among peeps who once adored her.

Meanwhile, my application for the position is rapidly gathering dust as I type this.

Since Mommy Dionesia freely talks or sings, depending on the request, every time a mic and camera are shoved on her face (yes, I am still being bitter), a personal assistant cum spokesperson (ehem) is just what Mommy D needs. Why not? Mommy Dionesia is a famous celebrity in her own right, right?

Another compelling reason to hire a PA for Mommy Dionesia is to prevent her jewelries from being misplaced. Remember Mommy Dionesia's lost diamond ring that was a gift from Jinkee? The ring would have been found in my purse (it's not what you think, okay?) safe and intact if I were there. I can dig being a minder for Mommy D's expensive jewelries, bags and expensive everything.

I am willing to lower my asking salary. Just don't scrimp on the others perks. That's all I ask.

Alright, who do I need to bribe (or blow if it comes to that) to secure this position?

Marian Rivera Still Topping FHM Sexiest Pinay

Four weeks in and GMA Kapuso star Marian Rivera is still No 1 on FHM's poll on the world's sexiest women.

(this post has been on draft since forever I don't know if those other sexy beauties are still inhaling Marian Rivera's dust)

Well, no surprise there because, let's admit it, Marian Rivera is close to perfection in the body and face.

And in the pictures above she wants to let us know she has unblemished underarms. Bitch!

But don't despair average women of the world! Marian Rivera is not perfect. Close to perfect but not quite. Higher deities are kind and fair like that.

When Marian Rivera was asked to put in her 10 cents on the mental fitness of Nonoy Aquino to run for Philippine president, with all confidence and knowledge Marian Rivera vouched for Pnoy by saying "I'm pyschology."

When Venus Raj strolled along the beach of Boracay, Marian Rivera was overhead blurting out "Ang pangit ni Venus."

Tsk, tsk. Marian wasn't raised right. You talk about people behind their backs, not in their faces, or within hearing distance of that person's peeps. According to Kathy Griffin, it's called manners. tsk, tsk

Marian Rivera's sweetheart Dingdong Dantes allegedly lost a chance to star opposite a young actress being touted as the next major star of ABS-CBN when Marian demanded that the young actress ask her permission first before giving her blessing.

The next young superstar could be Kiray for all we know, but still lost opportunity, right?

Thank the good deities that Marian is not very bright, is tackless and has a huge ego. Most people consider this a bad thing, but I don't.

The way I see it, if Marian Rivera is anymore perfect average women of the world should just lay down in a fetal position and weep.

But then again, Marian Rivera still has one up over us and his name is Dingdong Dantes. Sh-T!

Happy B-day To Mommy Dionesia

The Manny Pacquiao-Shane Mosley fight begun with a lot of anticipated excitement but ended with a meh.

But I am not sad nor disappointed because my personal hero, my future employer, Mommy Dionesia, once again graced local TV as she and her prayer warriors gather together for mass and then a marathon prayer session to ensure the victory and safety of her one and only billionaire son, Manny Pacquiao.

Mommy D was all dressed in white-from her veil to her shoes and to her teeth, when she went to mass together with her entourage, which I hope to belong to in the not so distant future. Hopefully, before Mommy D runs out of money.

Once again, Mommy Dionesia proved the power of her marathon prayer sessions because Manny Pacquiao came out the victor and gained a new friend in Shane Mosley. Those glove touching before the start of a round, those hugs, ha!

Mommy Dionesia's TV coverage is not over just because Manny's fight is over. Take that Jinkee Pacquiao!

It is Mommy Dionesia's 62th birthday and there will be a grand celebration, courtesy of Manny.

There will be many costume changes so naturally TV crews followed Mommy Dionesia tried on gown and outfits at her favorite local modista.

She also showed off a bit her dance routine for the TV audience who couldn't be physically there at the party. Awww...

Mommy Dionesia is growing up to be a social climber.. the socialite that she should have been born as. She knows what an Hermes bag is and she has asked Manny to gift her with one on her birthday.

Oh, to be the carrier of that bag.. I can dream, can't I?

related posts:

PacMom: An Homage

Mother of the Millenium: Marlene Aguilar

Marlene Aguilar, writer, singer, artist and mother to -- Jason Ivler, the recently captured fugitive from the law who seems to have an in-built homing signal for engaging in road/traffic incidents with government officials.

Marlene Aguilar, sister of folk singer Freddie Aguilar, is putting the blame on everybody else – from the police to the American government. Vanity, that is, Marlene’s, led the police to where her son is hiding. Picture this: big tarpaulins bearing Marlene’s likeness pinned on her house’s gate. Couldn’t Marlene have made e it a little bit difficult for the police to locate her house? I mean, at least force them ask to around the neighborhood for the Pollard’s residence.

I don’t wanna delve into Jason Ivler’s run in with the law and his psychotic events. That’s for the courts and his psychiatrist to resolve with him. I just know that Satan, as I am writing this, has already saved a very special place for Jason Ivler in hell.

Methinks mother and son has a major Oedipus complex thingy going on. According to psychoanalytic theory, the unsuccessful resolution of Oedipus complex could lead to neurosis, pedophilia or homosexuality.

Neurosis? Ding! Ding! Ding! And we have a winner! Jason Ivler is a walking advertisement for neurosis, what with his amateurish rapping skills, the creepy fixation between mother and son, and Jason's road antics that lead to killing rages.

Mother and son have been accused of being insane. According to Marlene there is a fine line between insanity and genius. So does artistry and tackiness as seen in Marlene’s images above.

You know I am writing this thinking "thank God for the anonymity of the Internet. I don't have to be looking behind my back."

PacMom: An Homage

Enough of being a jeluz h8r, a lackeye of Deo (whoever he is), according to the fans of the wordlwide phenomena known as Kimerald.

This post is an homage to my personal icon and role model, written with stars blinding my eyes - Mommy Dionisia, the global celebrity known to the world as Da-yo-nee-sha.

Allow me to share the awesomeness that is Mommy Dionisia. This future Ulirang Ina awardee has become famous through her progeny, pound for pound king Manny Pacquiao. But now she is more famous than Manny's wife (I don't think Jinky was ever famous) and is fast attaining the celebrity status of her boxer son.

I think Jinky is the jeluz htr. I read in a tabloid (Bulgar, what else) that Mommy Dionisia sat in economy class while the entire family enjoyed first-class accommodations during a vacation trip abroad. Ever the loving son, Manny told her mom to exchange seats with him. But Mommy Dionisia, ever humble and kind, was okay with the arrangement.

Mommy Dionisia rose to the stratosphere of celebritydom for her marathon prayer sessions, I mean, televised prayer sessions during Manny's fights. Prayer rallies warrant television coverage only if the attendees number to thousands or millions. The exception is our very own prayer warrior. Television stations fight over who will capture that one moment when Mommy Dionisia collapses, which usually occur when Manny's fight end. I think she speaks in tongue, too.

I believe, as do millions, that Mommy Dionisia's prayer sessions are part of the arsenal that makes Manny Pacquiao practically unbeatable. Such is the powers of Mommy Dionesia's prayers that I hope someday it will find the cure for cancer.

Mommy Dionisia is not resting on her laurels as just the mother of a boxing king. She is slowly but surely expanding her brand. Now it's ballroom dancing and commercials. Tomorrow, sitcoms and movies. Who know's there may be dolls, perfumes and line of apparel in Mommy Dionisia's future.

Even Wowowee has capitalized on Mommy Dionisia's fame, hoping to attract more down-on-their luck contestants and more emotionally-manipulated viewers and donors.

Speaking of alalays, I read that Mommy Dionisia has one bodyguard, not to guard her body but her set of diamond jewelries. She has an entourage but they are nearing retirement age? My dream when I grow up is to become a part of Mommy Dionisia's entourage, a personal assistant, if you will.

I have the required skills, if I say so myself. Let's see.

I am fluent in Filipino and English, not Bisaya, I'm afraid, but I am a fast learner. I can teach her how to speak better English and Filipino so that she will no longer be subtitled on every documentary about Manny. See 24/7 HBO documentary.

I can operate a laptop or PC, even a typewriter, if it comes down to it. I'm pretty sure Mommy Dionisia will someday need a person to answer all her fan mails, arrange her hectic schedule and coordinate her activities.

I'm healthy enough when Mommy Dionisia requires a fan girl (tagapaypay) and someone to catch her when she collapses after every marathon prayer sessions. I can hold her rosary and prayer book for her during prayers, and I can also wipe the santos and santos clean during lull in prayer.

I would really like to say I can work for free, but I can't say that with all sincerity. I want to say it's enough to be basked in the glow of Mommy Dionisia and be in her saintly presence daily. But I can't. Not in this economy.

I end this homage with a quote from PacMom herself addressed to all jeluz h8rs out there:

“…naiinggit lang sa akin. Kasi, may ipinakita ako sa lahat ng tao na marunong akong magpakita ng dancing ko...Yung iba, hindi marunong kasi balita lang sa kanila. Iniintriga lang. Gawa-gawa lang ito, kasi sikat na ako! Sana, ipaabot ko lang sa nang-iintriga sa akin, gumawa ka naman ng gawa para sa iyong sarili, para magkasama tayo na mga sikat. Hindi kayo maggawa-gawa ng intriga!"